wumingxing

Happy memories can most of the time make us cry…

I usually catch myself staring at anything in front of me ablank, deeply at a thought of many things that has gone my way (well maybe for the past days, weeks, months, years) Indeed, people hold on so much to memories because one thing is for certain, they never change when everything else seems to do so… i would always say, everything is so different now.. new stage, new lifestyle, new people (whom i seem to consider too uncertain to rightfully get along with well… for how long?), new priorities, new dreams… but there is nothing new to the memories of the bitter and sweet past especially when the memory you once held so dearly was a past you wer once so addicted to… the Happy thoughts sometimes can really make you cry… a mixture of a cry for happiness and a cry for hope, that sometime somehow, you are desperately hopeful for a comeback of the wonderful old times… thinking and feeling of which just simply kills me so badly…

I would usually stare ablank to whatever is in front of me including my laptop, as if waiting for it to talk to me, pat my cheek and howl at me "Hey day dreamer…"  What pains me most are the times when i thought i have done my best, given my all and risked everything despite dangerous uncertainty, when i thought everything was smooth and progressive, i found myself alone at the edge of the cliff, hanging, scared and grasping for anything that can hold me and bring me to safety…

Sometimes when we feel everything seemed just right and forever, we tend to close our eyes and feel the swift breeze of the cool air and never bother who, what and where we are and our company… and sometimes too, when we open our eyes, we find ourselves nowhere, anywhere and we are left alone by everything without a clue… and so we drown, we tear or fall hard, or be in terrible comma because of a car crash or worst, crash and die on the spot… we get torn and we’re left unaided…

Memories form the whole of us. I even think they are us… And we can never escape from them no matter how hard we try to forget everything nor even try to be over anything… it will always be somewhere there within you/us and if it won’t kill, at least it would make you sometimes think that "Once there was…" and most of the time we stretch the phrase with "… and i wish it will…"

The thoughts playing in my mind are sometimes quite weird while staring ablank although i have to be honest that not all the pen scribbles are thoughts from a first hand experience… they are a mixture of fantasies and realities or a combination of both… like what i wrote today… i don’t even know which one is fantasy… but then, it makes me think "What if?"… oh i love thinking…

Happy memories can most of the time make us cry… sure they do!

a friend in her blog ones wrote about her childhood musings…indeed, life is heavy because we forget (admit it, it’s most of the time if not always) to see the lighter side of it such as the bright sunrise, the dramatic sunset, even the soothing droplet of rain and rustling of summer leaves… even just the laugh of the kids playing with tin cans on streets… in a world of busy people in busy streets and busy lifestyles, what really amazes me is that people also actually come and go (very fast it seems) but people who has touched you even without a word or two with you, can actually last a lifetime (in our hearts’ memory)… now it makes me think, how much more with friends who has shared bits of them (some even a whole of them) can last longer (forever so to speak) as part of you, a part of the pieces of you… sometimes, we neglect the fact that a smile from a stranger has actually made the whole day’s mess ironed out… and a touch of the morning breeze made us realized that we are still alive… we have been so preoccupied with everything but ourselves and the things that make life so perfectly light… now try this: try to figure out how would everyone including you, think why is he/she really is… i mean wonder why that you,(your self actually) is really you and not others… try to figure out why not anybody looks exactly like you nor acts like you nor speaks like you nor poops like you(you got your own style i bet)… in this way we appreciate the existence of you and the others around you, meaning us!… (BamBam Desabelle, credits to you for having me write this on the spot)

basically im really not a blogger… in the 1st place, i really have nothing so significant to share that would create an impact on other people… but then to practice my once credible writing prowess way back late 90’s, i started ticking on the keyboards and there it goes — a blog of my own.

oh well, what do i want to say in here? hmmm, it’s pretty much difficult to think about something to talk about when what’s in ones mind is all work and work… and speaking of work, it is not until you get to earn on your own that you get to count (literally) every cent of your money… it makes you really CONSCIOUS of your spending habits because the money that you shell out comes from your very own sleepless nights and tiresome days…

Let me talk about the professional life… it’s really far different from school life although it is a school by itself… when we chat in school, its all about crushes, assignments, classroom jealousies, horrible and funny professors and night out activities… here, what you would hear are infidelities, professional jealousies, power grabbing, marriage plans,  pay day plans and boss’ lifestyles… the only concrete common ground for both worlds as far as i am concerned which is really very prominent is - DEADLINES! School is actually a good training ground for beating deadlines. I commend my alma matter for the "hellish" deadline requirements way then… it really helps… lolz…

The professional life is focused not only to pass the subjects or to get good grades… it’s more of thinking how to sustain your job and how to feed your self (well, if not your stomach then probably your fetishes and vices perhaps? hahaha) every month so basically that is the big difference… it is more of looking forward on how to better earn money and not just grades, to save something for the plans you have in mind for the future… so apparently the bottomline is, our perspective gets to be less broad and more serious… goodbye tweetums and pa-cute days… probably that is why we get to grow old really fast when we are already working because the word "carefree" bounds out of our vocabulary…

So much for today’s blog, my point in here is that, while still in school, be as young as you can, carefree as you can…. enjoy every bit of friendship… most good long lasting friends are college friends so make a firm foundation from them… and most of all, have all the fun you can think of (so long as it wouldn’t harm you of course) because life out here is a different fun… not as fun-filled as it was when we were school-kids… and as for those who are working now, let’s plan our life accordingly and let’s all remember that life is meant to be enjoyed… after all, life is naturally difficult… so take it lightly otherwise, you would waste your life before you could have realized it… Cheers to 2007.. a new year to Start! AJA!!!